With spring in full swing and with the Boys of Summer scraping off the rust in some warm-weather climate, naturally our thoughts turn to one thing: steroid use.

Like you, we were outraged by the recent revelations that steroid use in baseball is much more prevalent than we previously thought. Unfortunately, at the time of these disclosures, some months back, we couldn’t find a pen or paper stuffed under our couch cushion, so we went back to clicking through the 72 different ESPN channels our satellite provider thoughtfully gives us for only $852.37 per month (taxes and fees not included; a $5 charge applies if your receiver is not continuously plugged into your bank account. Blackout restrictions apply).

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(No dogs were hurt in the production of this column)

When the Steelers match up against the Patriots this week at Three Rivers Stadium, I’m going to watch a tell-tale, but little discussed statistic which my research indicates leads to victory a majority of the time in the NFL: points scored.

My statistical assistant, George, who is a Bernese mountain dog, confirmed my findings over the last month by watching with me 143 professional and college football games in a row, and reviewing 3972 college and pro football scores via the ESPN crawler at the bottom of the TV screen over a two day period.

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